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My stomach churns...it's in a knot.
It's as if the butterflys of yesterday that before would occasionally come and go like the migrating monarch have now permanently made my stomach their home;
a giant tree with leaves of fluttering butterly wings.

Like the cave home of a million bats...
centuries of guano littering what once was a beautiful cathedral.
The fabulous rock spires of heaven and earth,
reaching toward each other in what seems like an eternally slow journey
now covered in filth.

The fluttering of butterflies has risen to my throat
and threatens to trigger me into vomiting.

A lump of fear, anziety, excitement, depression...
clotting in my throat because I stifle the words that would release them:

I love you.
No,
I like you.
Do you like me?
Would you like to go out tonight?
Can someone Please tell me how to make this feeling stop!

I stifle the words because of fear of rejection.
I stifle the words because of fear of acceptance.
No, not of acceptance....
Yes, because of acceptance.
How so?
I don't know
but the words ring true regardless.

What words
what phrase
what Word
can free me from these feelings,
will open up the wound that is my heart
and bleed from out my lips
and loose this from my throat
I Know not!

Be it found within the writings of men like Shakespeare
or perhaps the unsung ballads of the contemporary muses of sissy rock...
I know not.

How do i love thee?
Let me count the ways
in which my mind receedes back to thoughts of you
and the uncertainty of your reaction to such words
instills again within my throat this knot.

Oh heaven and earth be reached, "Peace be still"
my soul my heart but do not stop for reaching