Butterflies aren't always pretty

I'm still awake. That's actually not saying much considering how late I've been staying up lately. I mean it's only 12:13 right now. My staying up-ness isn't so much because I've been studying (although I should be) as much as it is that my sleeping schedule is just jacked up!

It seems that all the stress in my life of late, coupled with my lack of motivation toward school, added to the fact that I don't have early morning classes this semester equals staying up and sleeping in later. It's actually quite sad.

It's hard to break the cycle now that I'm use to this schedule because I don't get tired till way late and I am not a morning person. I'd be tired earlier if I would force myself out of bed earlier, but like that's gonna happen anytime soon.

But that's not the only reason I'm awake right now. I'm actually kind of nervous. I'm nervous for the show tomorrow...scratch that, later today (seeing as how it is technically Wednesday already.) I know I should be grading papers, proof reading a press release, reformatting a flier, logging video, studying for a test, preparing a lesson, cleaning my disaster of a room....the list goes on. But right now I really don't think I could do any of those things that I need to and should be doing. I'm too worried that I'm going to get on stage and freeze....draw a blank....or vomit out the butterflies that I know will be swarming around inside my stomach in search of a way out. If they find and work their way up my throat I really don't know what will happen.

Mostly I just hope that I remember the lyrics. But I'm also hoping that I stay on key, don't look like a complete idiot when I'm unsure of what to do with myself on stage when I'm not actually singing, and am able to keep the audience entertained between songs. I don't know what to say. To be completely honest with everyone, I've never been the leadsinger of a rock band.

It's true, I can sing. I sang many a solo back in the days of highschool choir. I was even the featured soloist in my small ensemble that competed in the Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival my senior year. I also went to State (something that perhaps you thought only athletic teams went to). Well I went twice, and placed second. Yes, my senior year of highschool I placed second in Idaho's state solo competition.

All that is fine and dandy. I remember getting nervous then, and yet somehow I made it through ok and people were impressed with my ability to sing...heck, they even awarded me. But doing all that the only thing I had to worry about was singing. The most I'd ever actually "say" to my audience went something like, "My name is Yancy Zimmerman and I will be singing 'Non Posso Disperar' by Giovanni Bononcini." or perhaps I might have to say, "First Tenor, Number 12."

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Anyways, my train of thought was broken because my roommate came home and wanted to talk. I'm pretty sure this post is long enough so I'll end it here. Maybe if I read in bed I'll actually fall asleep soon. Perhaps I'll run through lyrics.

Tomorrow, when I'm standing on stage, I just need to remind myself to Breathe In, Breathe Out.